Fated like a STAR

“…And maybe, I was designed to be alone. “

 

Through the years, I never had the courage to speak up for what I feel.  I mean what I really feel. A lot of questions spinning on top of my head trying to figure out about what was wrong when I was created and what’s lacking. I’ve been asking myself of whats, whys, when and hows of life.  As I go along, wandering where my feet will take me, realizations about the things I lost made me repent but hate myself more, the things I never got made me live to the hopes life can still offer but still rub the wrong way, and the rejections I have always been receiving made me comprehend that life was really never easy and in reality, it will never be.

When I was a kid, I would always look up in the sky and would always wonder how the stars were created. I grew up grasping the thought that stars were the guide and angels of heaven for they shine bright lighting the sky and glimmer as if they’re alive and breathing.  Then one day I realized that some of those stars I used to look up to are the stunning product of dead and loneliness.  As I mature, I become conscious that I was once a star and is scared of the possibility to be one and forever be like them.  A lot of people looked up to me for being myself and commended me for the things I’ve done, like the stars in the sky, I know that for once in my life, I was able to light somebody else’s life.

As I go by the side of my days, like how the stars were created through dense interstellar gas concentrations, I have also faced series of formation. I met a lot of people and took advantage most of them. I took advantage of the passionate process life offered me, for I thought that since I was formed brightly, I can already impose upon what they intend not realizing I am already hurting people; hurting the ones who promised me they would never leave me no matter what happens. Like how the universe gave up on stars letting them to stand alone, those people also gave up on me.

Like the stars being single-handedly for a decade, I realized that neither I for so many years now. I am at the moment of my life where like the stars in the sky, is now dead and feeling sorry. Resembling how stars try to prove their worth through shining even when they’re dead, I still try to make things up for the people in my life; maybe not with those who have already disappeared, but with those who I’m currently with now. I still try to make myself shine even if I knew by then I already lost it. For I want the people around me to be beamed by me in their darkest days and hours. They see my shaft of light but in reality, I am already dead-inside. I may be wherever the people I love, I may always be in light for the person I want but I know for a fact that where I’m at is  where I am destined to be at-alone looking down for the people I love. I can never be loved by somebody. And I know that. With the things that are happening in my life now, regardless of the efforts I have extended, like the stars being alone for quite some time, my mind made me think that maybe like them, I was designed to be alone.

What’s the point here? The point here is making myself accept my fate.  It can be a painful process but acceptance is what we need.  All of us can either be a dead star or a living planet. If we are fated either for something we like or not, accept it.

-jlryncyCR

 

Seasons of Pain: From Fall to Congeal; Dusk till Dawn

“They deserve your forgiveness not because you are divine. They deserve it because your broken self deserves to be free- from the past, pain and extreme stupidity”

Things happen for a reason. When things fall like how seasons change, we all, our hearts to be exact, sometimes get broken. Like the sweet moon that only shows up during the night and the mighty sun that always set itself after each and every day, people come and eventually go. Nothing is ever permanent in this world and it is the reality- the reality that no matter how hard we try to prove our worth to someone; no matter how we extremely show our love and affection to anyone; and no matter how good we are to everyone; we’ll still end up wounded, scattered and pained.

The cycle of how and why we feel pain is figuratively divided into four seasons- The winter, spring, summer and fall. When do we consider ourselves happy? When do we get sad? How do we get angry or mad? And… why? These emotions are all patterned based on where we stand in the seasons of twinge. Our emotions are seasonal and so does our life.

Life is not life and is meaningless if we don’t struggle nor is not challenging if we don’t get hurt. The season where pain starts is the season of FALL. Does anyone has ever asked why rain falls? Has anyone ever thought that rain falls because they are the tears that heaven can’t take from its paradise anymore. When a good man gets hurt, he cries. Not because he is weak, but because he is really hurt. The fall of life starts when we started to feel unappreciated, not valued and worthless.

 

After all the things that hurt and the pains that hit us, sometimes, our inner good self begins to freeze. We then try to be different. We try changing ourselves. Changes in mood, the way we look and even dress up; speak words and appearance- In simplest word, changes in our Totality. This is the WINTER of life-The season when happiness is imprisoned; a point in our life that freezes our heart – by anger, sadness and insecurities.

 

After days, months or even years of isolation from all the pet peeves and pains, the SPRING will then enter. And this is the most critical season of moving on. After the countless nights of crying, hundreds of beer drunken, cursing, feeling disappointed and pain, we then realize here that rise is needed- that in every sudden tragic downfall, a glorious rise has to be regained. This is the moving on stage of life. Everything seems different and our old self is renewed. Forgiveness comes in. We realize here that the people who hurt us deserve forgiveness not because we are divine. They deserve it because our broken self deserve to be free- from the past, pain and extreme stupidity. This is our chance to grow. A chance to be free from all the pet peeves life brought us. This is the stage that gives us the chance to move and create a new story. A story that tells everyone how strong and special we are. Here, we become the renewed better version of ourselves. We realize here that people don’t need change- only improvement. Because at the end of the day, no matter how bad and pained we were, we will still be that one good person who struggles to be better every day. We may not be the best but being better from who and what we were is always an achievement.

 

It does okay not be okay. But it will never be okay not be okay every day. It’s okay to run, but never acceptable to always run. Rise for what is, accept what was and prepare ourselves for whatever will be. Pain is never undeviating nor will be everlasting and permanent. Learn by heart that whenever there’s darkness, there comes a rise. A soar that will make us grasp and apprehend the lessons life brought us. The moment in our life when we can finally say we’re happy and done.

 

-jlryncyCR

Happiness versus Satisfaction

“When you feel like you’re getting tired of something, think of the thousand reasons as to why it took you so long to keep on holding on.”

We do things based on our personal wants, interests and needs. Yes it’s true. But sometimes, the things we do make us happy -but never satisfy us. We become happy doing good things to other people for we know and we only want nothing but the best for them – even if it causes pain, inconvinience, loss and wasted opportunity for us. We want to make them happy and seeing them smile makes us happy as well. But have we asked ourselves if the things we did satisfy us? Happiness is different from being satisfied. Satisfaction is a need while happiness is a selfless feeling – for ourselves and for the people we love. We need to be satisfied. When we give our time to other people, yes it makes us happy because time is something someone gives to the people he loves. We become happy giving so much time for others for we know that memories last for a life time. But are we fully satisfied when we give more than what is expected of us? The answer can both be a “yes” and a “no”. The Yes answer is when people appreciate us in everything we do. Appreciation is important to drive people and in making them feel special and important. Let us not be hypocrite, people’s behavior towards giving expects appreciation. When people appreciate us, we both feel happy and satisfied. When we dig in deeper why sometimes we are not getting the satisfaction we long to get whenever we give and sacrifice, we will then see and realize that appreciation is always correlated to the things we give and offer. We are humans and part of our nature is we always expect something in return. A simple thanks may be fine nonetheless, what we need is something more. We need something that would make us feel special and important. A simple “How are you” or “How was your day?” may be enough but a touch from a sincere heart is more vital.

Again, Happiness is what we feel when we see the people we love happy. Satisfaction is what we feel whenever we feel loved and appreciated. Both are enclosed in the same context but should not be imprisoned with the same human nature’s denotation.

-jlryncyreyes

jlrcr